If I was a good person, I’d tell you to stay away from Clicker Heroes.
I’d tell you to be a good human being, and do something constructive with your time. Like teach underprivileged children to read. Or at least play something a little more worthwhile. Hell, even Minesweeper.
But apparently, I’m not a good person, because here I am, recommending that you load up Clicker Heroes on your chosen gaming vessel, and potentially lose hours of your life, perhaps a fraction of your sanity, and maybe some dexterity in your fingers.
Unlike most highly addictive substances, Clicker Heroes is incredibly easy to acquire. It’s on Steam, Xbox One, PlayStation 4, iOS and Android, and even in your damn browser. It’s a drug that’s available to everyone, wherever you are.
Created by a masochistic developer known as Playsaurus, Clicker Heroes is not so much a game as it is a never-ending mission of willpower and seeing just how far a game can push you. You see, the most interaction with the game you’ll have is clicking. Clicking on enemies until they die. You can also click on various options that will let you upgrade and unlock new ‘heroes’, and the more heroes you have, the more damage you’ll do. Every click on an enemy will damage them, but your host of heroes will also inflict DPS without you having to do anything. Eventually, you’ll do that much DPS by itself that clicking isn’t really worth the risk of possible repetitive strain injury.
Within about half an hour, Clicker Heroes becomes an exercise in silly numbers. What starts off as doing 10 or 12 damage will very quickly be in the millions, and then numbers will get so big that the game will have to put meaningless indicators at the side of them. Attacks that do 120Q damage, or 753s. It’s a lot, basically.
Despite sounding very boring and not really all that engaging to play, somehow Clicker Heroes sucks you in. You crave getting your heroes to the next level; you yearn to do enough damage to defeat the level 55 boss, and you simply must persevere until you can unlock that next upgrade. It gets under your skin and demands your attention; just as a game like Diablo will have you constantly farming for better loot, Clicker Heroes will have you constantly clicking to level up.
You’ll reach a level sooner rather than later where you can’t really upgrade particularly quickly, however. But for around a month now, turning on Clicker Heroes every time my Xbox One boots up is part of my routine, doing 10 minutes of mindless clicking and gaining a few extra levels, before turning it off and letting some coinage accumulate in the background.
Clicker Heroes won’t change your world – but it is ridiculously good at wasting a lot of time when you should be doing more productive things with your day. If you’re at a loss, give it a try. The cool monster designs make it worthwhile, at least.
Play Clicker Heroes right now in your browser, or find it on the Steam, PS4 or Xbox store.
#FreeGameFriday is our weekly feature celebrating all things free games, whether it be Steam, console, or even in your browser. Got a free game you love, or one you’ve made yourself? Let us know about it, and we might feature it!