Getting a Job in Video Games… Literally

Ever dreamed of working in video games? Underpaid and under-appreciated, these are the video game professions screaming out for new applicants.

Many of the video games we know and love feature an unwavering supporting cast of NPCs. Unfortunately for them, not everyone gets to be the protagonist. Some people are left doing the jobs that nobody else wants.

VG Recruitment Services are looking to fill a number of positions across a wide variety of occupations for immediate starts. Please see the adverts below for further details:

Thug For Hire

“Come at me bro!”

Do you have experience in impromptu street brawling? Ever dreamed of climbing your way up the criminal ladder and becoming the Boss’ number 2? Then look no further as this is the job for you!

Expendable but dependable, successful applicants will need to be on call 24 hours a day, should anyone try to interfere with our client’s well-laid plans for city-wide domination. Duties to include punching, kicking, throwing and screaming.

Excellent health insurance will be provided to all successful applicants.

Cleaner

“There was so, much, blood.”

We’re looking to fill a number of vacancies in the exciting field of refuse relocation and disposal. This rewarding career path provides an excellent opportunity to anyone that’s ever pondered the question, “I wonder how much blood a mop can hold?”

Duties include cleaning human blood, cleaning alien blood, collection of dismembered body parts, safe and hygienic disposal of said parts and carpet cleaning.

Candidates will be provided with on the job training. All equipment needed including uniform and mop will be provided by the company. Previous mop operating experience is a must. Current knowledge of cutting-edge industrial cleaning products and waste disposal techniques is desirable.

Paramedic

“Multiple gunshot wounds to the head, stab wounds to the body. Pubic hair found around the victim’s face suggest he was teabagged after death.”

Usually the first responders to the scene of a violent assault, video game paramedics are on the front line of video game violence. There’s nothing they haven’t seen. A recent surge in gang-related crime has meant a huge shortage of medical professionals across several game worlds. You’ll need a strong stomach and nerves of steel to survive on the harsh city streets.

Currently looking to hire a large number of medical staff across a variety medical fields. Duties are primarily to provide medical assistance to those in need (predominantly gunshots, blunt and sharp object trauma), and ferrying casualties to the hospital.

Prior medical knowledge will be looked favourably upon, but not essential.

 Health and Safety Assessor

“But I thought inflammable meant the opposite of flammable!”

Health and Safety officials are needed to inspect many sites for possibly dangerous explosive barrels. The barrels are clearly marked as hazardous, yet many henchman seem unaware of their danger – insisting on congregating around them. Part of job will include educating the relevant organisations/crime syndicates about the dangers posed by leaving red explosive barrels unattended, and instructing them on proper storage techniques. Hazard pay is available for long-term employees (long term is considered 3+ weeks).

Candidates should possess a keen eye for detail and know all their hazard and warning labels. Knowledge of current health and safety regulations is essential.

Real Estate Agent

“Looking for a quick sale due to the sudden, unexplained death of the previous occupants.”

The ideal job for anyone interested in the booming property market. Our client has several properties in their portfolio just waiting to be snapped up. That’s where you come in!

You will primarily aid in the sale of these properties, showing potential buyers around. Make sure to cover all of the house’s special and unique features, whilst tactically ignoring any unappealing ones. Your job is to make sure the buyer doesn’t hear about those until after the purchase has been made. It’s not lying, it’s selective promoting!

Applicants will be expected to travel. Candidates whom fear the occult, supernatural, zombies, blood, guts and brains will not be selected for interview.