With games being such big business these days, it can be hard to keep track of all the industry’s comings and goings.
So to ensure that GameSpew readers don’t miss a trick, I present the pick of this week’s totally accurate, 100% true, completely embellishment-free gaming news.
Mass Effect Andromeda controversy
The launch of Mass Effect: Andromeda was marred by controversy when it transpired that the game did not, in fact, include a Shovel Knight cameo. True, the game does include a scene where you beat a Krogan unconscious with a trowel, but this has failed to sate enraged purchasers.
Bioware have issued a formal apology and have stated that they are working with Shovel Knight’s creators, Yacht Club games, to have him added to the game as soon as possible. Until then, they have advised that gamers emulate the effect by placing a spade on or near their console.
Steam launches Early Early Access
Following the recent launch of Steam’s Brownlight Service (“Games you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy”), Valve have announced a new addition to their digital distribution system, Steam Early Early Access. Early Early Access will allow gamers to access titles that are not currently in active development, using the power of their imaginations.
Would-be-developers will, for an appropriate fee, provide a brief outline of a game, which gamers will expand upon and experience in their minds. Reaction to the announcement was generally positive, one programmer highlighting the ease with which they would be able to deliver updates.
“Normally, we’d have to go through certification if we wanted to put out patches,” they explained, “But this way we can skip all that and shove new content right down people’s mindholes. Whether they like it or not. ”
Games who are not happy with their theoretical purchases will have up to two hours to imagine receiving a refund.
Up and coming streamers now just trying to offend people for views
In the wake of Youtuber Jonty Trombone’s controversial comments, which got him removed from Flappy Bird 2’s voice cast, many up-and-coming streamers are now trying to offend people to raise their respective profiles.
“Okay, I don’t actually believe the crap I’m spouting, but if it raises my ad revenue, I’m prepared to say pretty much anything,” admitted one YouTuber.
Some of the unpopular opinions thus aired include; that cannibalism is a legitimate means of population control, fashion crimes ought to be a capital offense and the US should build a planetary wall to keep the Daleks out.
Outlast 2 saved from Australian ban after Vegemite step in
Looking to be casualty of Australia’s infamously strict games rating board, Outlast 2 has been saved, due to the intervention of antipodean food manufacturers Bega Cheese, owners of Vegemite.
Previously denied classification by Australia’s Classification Board, Outlast 2 has been granted a release, with the one proviso that the Australian brand features heavily in the game. The game will see players combating a disturbing cult who believe that the end of the world is nigh, advocate human sacrifice and hold the bizarre view that Vegemite tastes terrible.
Game Dev Tycoon to receive ‘Internet Rage’ update
Games development simulator Games Dev Tycoon is to receive a surprise addition, dubbed the “Internet Rage Update”. This free add-on will allow virtual developers to track the number of internet critics who are offended by their proposed release.
“Okay, this update doesn’t actually add a great deal to the game as a whole, but we felt it was important to reflect the current state of game development”, explained the add-on’s developer. “Though you may have to keep upping the ante in order to keep generating irrational outrage. Making Devil May Cry’s Dante a woman might generate a great deal of ire, but you’ll have to think of something else next time around. ”
The update will also include an associated achievement that triggers once you hit 10,000 Fragile Sensibilities Shattered.
So there you have it, this week’s news in a nutshell – you couldn’t make it up. Honest.