Happy Easter one and all! It’s that time of year where we remember that Jesus rose from the dead to consume the chocolate eggs of the living.
But Easter Holidays or not, this last week has seen plenty of eggstremely important developments in the game industry which is why it once again falls to Gamespew, pausing only to cram fistfuls of chocolate into our gaping maws, to round up this week’s utterly believable, 100% no-nonsense, certainly-not-fake gaming news.
Switch sells over one million units, Nintendo to cancel production
In the same week that it was revealed that there have been over one million Nintendo Switches sold, Nintendo have announced that they will be discontinuing manufacture of the console. Nintendo of America president, Reggie Filo-Pastry made the following announcement:
“We’ve been blown away by the response to the Nintendo Switch. The gaming community has wholeheartedly embraced the console, as shown by the astonishing sales figures. So, in keeping with Nintendo policy of not knowing when have a good thing going, we’ll be cancelling production of the Switch with immediate effect.”
“On an unrelated note, the Nintendo Beer Tasting, originally set to take place at the Miller Brewery, has unfortunately had to be cancelled.”
Star Wars: Battlefront 2 to feature pay-per-blaster-shot microtransactions
EA have explained that instead of featuring a season pass or other downloadable content, the forthcoming Star Wars: Battlefront 2 will be released in its entirety. Instead, users will have to pay for each blaster shot they fire. The game will come with a one time use code that entitles each player to 200 free shots, with additional ammo packs available to purchase, with real currency, from the in-game store.
Running out of paid ammo will not mean that a player is unable to shoot, but their blaster will be as accurate as that of the average Imperial Stormtrooper.
PETA launch digital grievance against Dizzy and the Yolkfolk
PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, have issued a press release condemning the long-standing Dizzy series. The Dizzy games, which cast you as a platform-hopping, puzzle-solving egg, have been a mainstay of both 8 and 16-bit gaming. Most recently a long-lost NES Dizzy game was uncovered and made available to the gaming public, thrusting the egg once more into the limelight. A extract from PETA’s press release outlines their issue with the game:
“Despite having sent repeated emails and letters to the Oliver Twins, creators of this series, they have yet to submit any proof that the eggs featured in the game are not in fact from battery hens. Virtual battery farming is utterly barbaric, with digital hens often imprisoned in cages less than 12 pixels wide by 10 pixels tall.”
PETA have previously used both the Cooking Mama and Pokémon series to highlight what they view as the abuse of animals. We contacted Dizzy for comment, but he was too busy screaming as a chick pecked its way out of his head.
Cosplayers banned from convention for wielding inappropriately practical weapons
The annual Antonio Bay Gaming Convention came under fire yesterday after it emerged they were ejecting players whose cosplay weapons were deemed too practical. Convention organiser Ken Leonardy explained:
“While cosplayers, who dress up as video game characters, aren’t required to carry weapons, those who do are expected to comply to certain standards. Any weapons our attendees wield should be so massively impractical so as to be totally useless in the real world. Swords should be so large that they either couldn’t be raised or would get stuck in the flesh of any creature the wielder impaled. Similarly, guns should look like there’s a 50% chance they’ll take their owners face off when fired. “
“Yet this year we’ve seen far too many people carrying guns and blades that, if real, would actually be effective in a combat situation. We’re therefore giving attendees the chance to surrender their weapons. Some have complied, and we’ve had a total of fifty-two repainted Nerf Mavericks handed in. Others have refused and, as such, have been forcibly removed from the convention centre.”
“In short, if it’s not big and unwieldy enough to impale Aeris through the torso, you’re not coming in.”
NetherRealm games announce Fanny Pack Fighter
NetherRealm games, creators of Mortal Kombat, Injustice: Gods Among Us and the soon to be released Injustice 2, have announced their next project.
“Making Injustice 2 was a real blast, but we felt we didn’t go far enough with the extra bits and bats you could bolt onto your character,” project lead Ned Spoon explained. “Sure, armour was cool but to really make the playing field really uneven you need more than that, which is why we’ve come up with Fanny Pack Fighter (to be known as Bum Bag Battle in the UK). You’ll be able to cover your fighter with not just fanny packs but bags, pouches, holsters and all manner of other item. Each additional item will increase your fighter’s strength, with a special bonus multiplier applying if they can’t see where they’re going.”
Fanny Pack Fighter will be out Fall 2018. Those who pre-order the game will receive a special Rob Liefeld designed skin.
And that’s it for this week’s news. Predictions for next week; Guitar Hero: Air Guitar Edition announced, Fallout 4 VR player hospitalised after eating own feet and Konami accidentally leaves Metal Gear Solid license on bus.