If you’ve not played Flying Wild Hog’s excellent follow up to their reboot of Shadow Warrior yet, you’re missing out on something big. Real big.
You encounter it quite early in the game’s story, and can pretty much return to it as often as you’d like. There’s not really anything you can do with it though, aside from bask in its glory. What is it? Well… it’s a giant sword shaped like a penis.
On display in the library, back at the Dragon Mountain hub, Shadow Warrior 2’s penis sword sticks out like a sore thumb. It is huge. In fact, it looks like something Cloud Strife would wield if Final Fantasy VII suddenly became psycho-sexual. Though, I suppose whether it is a sword or not is questionable.
I mean, just look at it. I’m calling it a sword but there’s not actually a blade in sight, so I guess it’s more of a bludgeoning weapon. Perhaps it should be classified as a maul, or maybe even a rod. Yeah, we’ll go with rod. It’s Shadow Warrior 2’s massive rod.
Whichever way you look at it, you have to agree that it displays signs of true craftsmanship. Although, whoever it was modelled on should probably go seek medical attention straight away; aside from all the spikes sticking out of it, the hilt of the weapon – the scrotum – looks rather strange. Either someone’s got a harrowing problem, or they’ve just got a hell of a lot of balls. Hopefully it’s the latter.
I imagine the sword was made my Shadow Warrior 2’s Smith Masamune – Smith by name, smith by nature, right? For what purpose, though, is unknown. All I know is that you can’t use it, and that’s a damn shame. Just imagine Lo Wang wielding a huge wang whilst quipping about wangs – that’d be wang-ception.