Truly, this is an age of golden wonders.
Eclipsing all other gaming news, this week has seen the announcement of the “Atari Speaker Hat”, the logical successor to the Beer Hat which is surely destined to become as iconic an item as Aiden “Watch Dogs” Pearce’s own headwear. It’s certainly not some sort of elaborate artifice that will be revealed when the head of “Atari Connect” peels off his mask to reveal a grinning Fork Parker.
Equally genuine and definitely not at all made up is this week’s Totally True Gaming News Round Up:
Nintendo and Hori unveil simplified Splatoon headset
The original Splatoon headset, first revealed in June, has been heavily criticised for its overly convoluted nature. The headset is designed to be used with Splatoon 2 on the Nintendo Switch but has to be routed through a mobile phone and a special adapter in order to function correctly. In response to this criticism, Nintendo and Hori have unveiled a much simplified headset which will start shipping at the end of August.
The headset, which comes in pairs, features two receivers/speakers, dubbed “Splat-Tins” and a two metre length of cord. Longer lengths of cord, or “Splat-Twine” will be available separately through Nintendo’s online store.
Kingdom Hearts III to feature a crossover with Marvel Zombies
As revealed at this week’s San Diego Comic Com, Kingdom Hearts III, the latest entry in the Disney/Square Enix RPG series, will feature a crossover with the Marvel Zombies universe. Series director Tetsuya Nomura has reportedly long been courting this but it only became possible when Disney purchased Marvel Comics in 2009.
The game will see Sora and friends battling their way through a post-apocalyptic New York, only to discover that the undead infection has spread to other realms. The SDCC teaser shows monster hunter Elsa Bloodstone, who teams up with Sora and friends, decapitating zombie Colonel America while Moana gorges herself on Donald Duck’s entrails. Rumours that the game will also feature The Evil Dead‘s Ashley Williams as a pre-order bonus are as yet unconfirmed.
Dragon Ball Fighter Z adds some guy who gets beaten by some other guy, turns good
It’s been announced that the upcoming Dragon Ball Fighter Z will be adding some guy to its fighting roster. The guy is the sixth guy on the roster who started off evil but turned good when he got beaten by one of the other guys. Also featured in the game will be several bad guys who didn’t turn good but were sidelined when an even stronger bad guy turned up. It’s also been revealed that several of the fighters will glow and get stronger just when it looks like they’re about to be killed for good.
Monolith confirms Shadow of War’s Shelob as romance option
Monolith Productions have confirmed that the giant spider Shelob will be fully romanceable in the upcoming Lord of the Rings game Shadow of War.
“We did have our reservations at first,” explained Monolith spokesman Will Simons. “Who’d want to romance a woman who, though in human form in the game, is basically a terrifying colossal arachnid? But when we looked at the sheer amount of mucky Rule 34 artwork that had been created in the days since her reveal, we knew we really had no choice.”
“Luckily, we had the opportunity to consult with Bioware who had previously created a character who would straight up kill you if you slept with her. So, you can now bed Shelob which leads to a rather explicit scene where she bites your head off and chews up your lifeless carcass. True, this does give you an instant game over, but we’re pretty sure it’s what the fans want.”
And that’s all the news. Predictions for next week: Uncharted now totally charted, Overwatch’s Doomfist to be re-voiced by Isaiah Mustafa, and SDCC Pokemon Go users to be compensated with free bag of spiders.