“Today’s news is tomorrow’s fish wrapper,” according to the saying.
This would go some way to explaining why I can barely see my monitor for fish grease. But it hasn’t stopped me from delivering this week’s Totally True Gaming News Round-Up which brings you the latest and best of this week’s entirely non-fictional, utterly truthful news. In this week’s cod-scented news:
Capcom finally fixes Chun-Li’s wonky face
Despite previous assertions that Marvel VS Capcom: Infinite was going to feature an in-game explanation as to why Chun-Li looked she’d rolled all the way down the uncanny valley, Capcom has now made changes to the fighter’s appearance. As seen in the latest trailer for this upcoming cross-property beat-em-up, Chun-Li’s face is now a blank, unbroken stretch of skin.
Initial response to this change has been positive, users hailing it as vast improvement over her previous, “utterly unnerving” expression. The same trailer also revealed the final two additions to Marvel VS Capcom: Infinite’s roster, Hellcow and Dick Gumshoe.
Activision teams up with Netflix for Guitar Anti-Hero
Activision, the publisher of the Guitar Hero series, has announced a game tie-in with Netflix’s The Punisher, dubbed Guitar Anti-Hero. The game will see you, as vigilante Frank Castle, AKA The Punisher, dispatching criminals using only a Fender Stratocaster.
“We had to do something to clear all those warehouses full of of unsold plastic guitars”, explained an Activision spokesman, referring to the game’s less than stellar performance, “So this seemed like an ideal opportunity to shift some of them.”
Players will score points based on how hard the guitar makes contact with their virtual victims, and will gain a further bonus if they attain a five scar rating.
Date-a-Dating Simulator hits Kickstarter
This week saw the launch of a Kickstarter for what may well be the next generation of dating simulators. Currently, thanks to the genre’s popularity, you can purchase games that will allow you to date pigeons, cats, dads, lobsters, lobster dads and more. However, this new game will push the envelope by seeing you step out with dating simulators.
“I knew I had do something pretty special to rise above the crop of dating simulators, which is where the idea came from,” explained creator Will Simons, “And I figured massive copyright issues are a small price to pay for what I’m sure you’ll agree is a pretty unique take on the genre.”
Date-a-Dating Simulator will let you dally with Dream Daddy, woo Hatoful Boyfriend, pander to PacaPlus and canoodle with Super Jellyfish Love-Up. The Kickstarter is currently funded to the tune of £12,500,214, up from an initial target of £20,000. Current Kickstarter rewards include body pillows and an artbook that shows the games you can date in various states of undress.
Sonic Mania includes an acknowledgement of Sega’s most embarrassing moment
The latest Sonic the Hedgehog game, Sonic Mania, received near universal acclaim and has been hailed as the best Sonic game in years. But what you may not know is that the game contains a cheeky nod to one of Sega’s most embarrassing moments – their collaboration with nineties popsters, Right Said Fred.
Upon beating the boss at the end of the game’s Studiopolis zone, the in-game TV screen goes black and, provided you leave the joypad alone for two minutes, starts to play the abysmal Wonderman, the Right Said Fred song that was hastily re-written to promote the release of Sonic 3. Sonic then drops to his knees and starts screaming while blood pours from his eardrums and his eyeballs change sockets.
If you leave the controller alone for a further five minutes, the song loops and a miniature Alex Kidd bursts from Sonic’s torso.
And that’s the news. Predictions for next week; Crackdown 3 delayed until Old Spice gives Terry Crews his job back, The Elder Scrolls series bypasses 6 and goes straight to 7, and Call of Duty: The Crimean War is announced.