Forget Danny Dyer, Brian Blessed is the Hero Rage 2 Needs

Danny Dyer may have been right about David Cameron but he’s not the Brit I wanted in Rage 2.

Five minutes after enabling Rage 2’s “Diamond Geezer” cheat, I was reaching for the off button. Danny Dyer’s optional in-game commentary was marketed to high heaven but the cockney actor sounds utterly bored out of his skull.

“Yeah, proper poetry in motion, that!” is delivered with all the conviction and emotion of a man reading his shopping list.

Tim Kitzrow (voice of the NBA Jam games), on the other hand, actually sounds like wants to be there – so playing Rage 2 with his commentary enabled gives the game a real boost.

It’s a crying shame when there’s a British actor around who always gives 100%, who could make a phone directory sound like an epic then use it to bludgeon a polar bear into unconsciousness.  I’m talking, of course, about Brian Blessed. Behold his magnificence:

Why Bethesda didn’t go straight to the shouty Shakespearian actor when putting the voice cheats together I’ll never know.

Like Rage 2, Blessed is ridiculously over the top, at least in his public appearances. Blessed is a man who, when making Flash Gordon, was told off for making “pew pew” noises for his gun, for crying out loud. Could there be a finer gaming experience than bringing down a colossal mutant crusher while Prince Vultan roars his approval?

Or why not go the whole hog, glue ping-pong balls to his face and motion capture him into Rage 2’s upcoming downloadable content? The Authority wouldn’t stand a chance. Armoured convoys? He’d stand in the middle of the road and punch them into orbit. He’d shatter the Authority Sentries audio-receptors with his booming voice. There’s no-one large as life as Brian Blessed and no-one who’d be a better fit for Rage’s ludicrous neon wasteland.

So, Bethesda, how about it? Why not drop the Diamond Geezer and give us a commentator who’d really shine?