The SCP Foundation is all that stands between humanity and annihilation.
At least, that’s what you might believe if you took the SCP Wiki at face value, which appears to be a list of disturbing and potentially lethal artefacts. In fact, it’s a fiction archive, where contributors add their own unsettling entries, dubbed SCPs. What’s impressive is how creative some of these SCPs are. Here are nine of our favourites:
1SCP-2295: The Best Bear
The SCP has its own share of malevolent toys, but SCP-2295 doesn’t have an evil bone in its body. It doesn’t have any bones in fact but this teddy bear’s mission in life is to heal those in need of organ transplants. It crafts a felt and stuffing replica of whichever organ someone needs, which then materialises inside their body. And, against all odds, the toy organ works perfectly.
2SCP-2006: The Bird Box Monster
SCP-2006 predates Netflix’s Bird Box but, like the creatures featured in that film, it theoretically has the ability to take the form of a person’s worst fears. Which is why the SCP’s staff show it shlocky 50s monster movies, in an effort to convince them that a gorilla wearing a space helmet is the most terrifying thing thing in the world.
3SCP-1609: The Angry Chair
SCP-1609 was originally an odd but helpful chair that teleported itself to wherever someone needed a seat. However, when the SCP’s staff threw it into a wood-chipper, in an attempt to annihilate it, it turned into a malevolent mass of chippings, murdering anyone who rubs it up the wrong way. So that worked out well.
4SCP-2107: Diet Ghost
Who’d like their own ghost in a can? Nobody, in all likelihood. But open a can of Diet Ghost and you’ll be haunted by a terrifying spectre, not a great idea if you’ve got a heart condition. Furthermore, no-one knows where these cans come from; they just keep appearing in vending machines and the like.
5SCP-1733: Groundhog Day Tape
SCP-1733 is a VHS tape of a basketball game which, as is the case with all DVDs and tapes, can be watched again and again. The horrible brilliance of SCP-1733 is that the players and audience watching the game are aware that the game is repeating itself. The more you play the tape, the more deranged they become as they attempt to escape their looping torment.
6SCP-294: Magic Vending Machine
SCP-294, like most vending machines, will happily dispense all manner of beverages. However, it can also dispense nearly any substance keyed into it, such as blood, mercury, crude oil or a co-worker’s bodily tissue. The possibilities are endless and horrific.
Looking like a cross between the Grim Reaper and Rod Serling, SCP-4999, while not in containment, has been repeatedly tracked by the SCP. Lacking any malevolance, SCP-4999 will comfort those who are dying alone. Given that the biblical Cain also ended up on the SCP’s books, it’s not surprising that Death ended up being catalogued.
8SCP-705: The Play Doh Empire
SCP-705 is dubbed “safe”, if mildly annoying. This lump of Play Doh spawns a tiny but determined army who attempt to conquer whichever location they find themselves in. Who needs a Fun Factory when you can have your own Play Doh battalion?
9SCP-2881: The Faraway Tree
A lot of Enid Blyton’s stories are quite disturbing, when you think about it. While it’s not named as such, SCP-2881 is basically The Faraway Tree. Ascend the tree and you disappear, ending up in another realm. Falling off the tree, however, is not recommended.
10SCP-871: Apocalypse Cakes
We’ve saved the best for last. SCP-871 is a normal looking set of cakes that could render the planet uninhabitable. They’re not poisonous or possessed, but if they’re not eaten, they spawn a duplicate. This duplicate, if uneaten, then spawns another cake with the same property. If uneaten the planet could be drowned in cake with 80 days – two cakes become four, then eight, then sixteen, then… you get the idea. Turning cakes into something so potentially apocalyptic requires a special kind of creative madness.