Until faced with the question, I’ve never once considered what Sonic might smell like.
I’ve never sniffed a regular hedgehog, but as an animal who spends an awful lot of time outdoors and running rather fast, I imagine he’s got a bit of a damp dog odour to him. I’d hope that Numskull’s new Sonic-themed unisex cologne smells a bit nicer than that, at least.
Yep, there’s a Sonic cologne. There’s also a Shenmue and Yakuza cologne, all being produced and distributed by Numskull, everyone’s favourite gaming merch brand. I’m just going to copy the sales pitch for each of these from the press release, because I cannot do anywhere near as good a job at selling these things than the PR already has:
Official Sonic the Hedgehog ‘Blue Blur’ Unisex Cologne
Add a gorgeous, refreshing scent to your everyday life with this invigorating Sonic the Hedgehog ‘Blue Blur’ unisex cologne! Given the seal of approval from the famous blue blur, this cologne boasts an aroma of fresh citrus, a zing of grapefruit zest and exotic lemon and lime, topped with the scent of the ocean breeze and chilled melon fade. Take pleasure in the rich base tones of leather, suede, and cedar.
Fresh citrus and ‘a zing of grapefruit zest’ sounds nice, but are we supposed to spray this on ourselves or drink it? I’m most confused about the leather and suede base tones. Does Sonic smell like a branch of DFS, then? Or a shoe shop?
Official Shenmue ‘Tobacco and Gold’ Unisex Cologne
Rebellious and addictive, this exhilarating Shenmue ‘Tobacco and Gold’ unisex cologne hits all right smells to get the likes of Ryo Hazuki nodding in appreciation. Enjoy this highly masculine fragrance with top notes of clashing cardamom and bergamot, smouldering golden tobacco, deep orris and sage, and a strong patchouli base.
I have no idea what ‘orris’ is, let alone what it smells like. But tobacco? Shenmue smells like stale cigarette smoke. You heard it here first, folks.
Official Yakuza ‘Bourbon and Smoke’ Unisex Cologne
Created for the night, this bold and intriguing Yakuza/Ryū ga Gotoku ‘Bourbon and Smoke’ unisex cologne will have you smelling like the Tojo clan’s finest crime boss! This fragrance flaunts a deep and mysterious scent of antique oak, cedarwood, beeswax infused with smoky bourbon, leathery rose, and scorching pimento.
Mmm, wood and bourbon. This is what we could imagine the Yakuza smelling like, actually; they do seem to spend a lot of their time in smoky bars and clubs. Maybe there should also be an undertone of dried blood, too, for all those scrapes they find themselves in.
If you’re interested in any of these colognes – unisex, so suitable for everyone, we hasten to add – they’re available to pre-order now from the SEGA Shop. They come in bottles of 100ml, and cost £29.99 each. They’re expected to release in December, so hopefully they’ll arrive in time for Christmas if you’d like to gift them to any of your unsuspecting friends.