Kirby, everyone’s favourite sentient purple vacuum takes on the form of the things he eats. But what if he ate a hot guy? Could we end up with Handsome Kirby?
Unfortunately the answer is no, there will never be a handsome/hot Kirby, as confirmed by the current directors of the Kirby series. We have Polygon to thank for settling this matter, in a moment of journalistic brilliance we aspire to one day match.
Interviewing developer HAL Laboratory’s executive director Shinya Kumazaki and expert director Tatsuya Kamiyama, Polygon asked the all important question. Sure, there were other equally-probing questions, but the one that mattered was, “If Kirby swallowed a hot man, would he turn into a hot man?”
The question was actually a collaborative effort. It was spawned from the mind of senior Wired writer Megan Farokhmanesh, but rephrased and posed by Polygon Editor in Chief and co-founder Chris Plante.
Referencing an image of Superhero Kirby, Kumuzaki replied:
“I think your friend might have noticed the muscles and power the images depicted. I think Kirby’s ability would be in line with that. And he’d probably have a hat associated with it. But his face would not turn into hot Kirby.”
So, you might get Buffy Kirby but his face would be as a round and rosy-cheeked as it’s ever been. Sorry, Squidward, looks like you’re on your own.