The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom has been out just three days and we’re absolutely amazed.
We’re not talking about the game itself, though it’s pretty great. No, we’re astonished by some of the nightmare machines that Tears of the Kingdom players have been crafting. The sheer wrong-headed creativity they’ve expressed is just mind-blowing.
We’re not just talking about Iron Giant-style robots with flame-spewing dicks, either. Yes, that’s a thing that exists but we expected players to take things in that direction. If you give gamers the ability to craft things, as Tears of the Kingdom does , you’re going to get a few wangs.
No, players have taken to doing some truly horrible, horrible things to the game’s Koroks. One of the game’s bonus activities involves using your Ultrahand ability to reunite these fuzzy little guys with their friends. But instead, ToTK players are attaching them to all sorts of contraptions.
So far we’ve seen a Korok rotisserie, Korok crucifixions and the nightmares just keep on coming. That’s not to say players are actually harming the Koroks – you can’t do more than indignantly dump them on the floor. But we’ll never lose the mental image of Link transporting a Korok attached to a cross.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I present you the Korok Rotisserie machine. #ZeldaTearsOfKingdom pic.twitter.com/LCtsRdfGov
— Pory (@pory_leeks) May 11, 2023
The best (or worst) thing about this is that Nintendo can’t do much to curtail this. Sure, they could stop players Ultrahanding Koroks but it’d would break that whole side activity. Writer Dan Kois has started a Twitter thread compiling all the horrors players have inflicted upon the Koroks. But, be warned, it’s definitely not for the faint of heart.
We feel like we should be wagging our finger at this behaviour but the truth is we can’t see what nightmares are waiting in the wings. Korok burgers, anyone?
