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With a demo out now, Crime Simulator is janky, door-punching fun

Forget Grand Theft Auto 5, Crime Simulator is where it’s at when it comes to breaking the law. Oh, sure, Grand Theft Auto V had polish and a halfway convincing open world. But did it let you punch right through someone’s front door and then fling their own TV at their head? No, and Rockstar should be thoroughly ashamed for that oversight.

We’re being just a tiny bit facetious there, but we have to admit there’s something rather endearing about Crime Simulator’s wonkiness. Developed by the team behind Thief Simulator and Thief Simulator 2, this co-op focused steal ’em up is a way off release. But the demo, dubbed Crime Simulator: Prologue is out now, and we’ve been having a blast dabbling in it.

Liberty City it isn’t, but we were surprised by just how much Crime Simulator: Prologue let us get away with. Okay, maybe ‘get away’ isn’t the right term since we spent five minutes cowering in our shower when the police arrived, but it was so cathartic to just be able to demolish a door, instead of it being permanently locked. No, we don’t have a lockpick but we do have fists of steel!

Sneaking’s also an option, as you might expect, though if you’re tackling the game in co-op you’ll need some similarly stealth-minded friends. We were playing it in single-player so we didn’t have to worry about anyone Leroy Jenkins-ing it and breaking our cover. No, we have no-one to blame but ourselves for our ultimate downfall.

We were on such a high from smacking our neighbour with their TV that we didn’t think to heal ourselves. Instead, considering a career as a television-wielding supervillain, we strode up to a stranger and demanded they give us their wallet. It did not end well.

Yes, it’s a little janky, but even Crime Simulator’s trailer embraces that. Check it out above and you’ll see a protagonist’s car hit a pedestrian with the impact of a steel column. Trailers for lesser games would cut that out but no, Bollard Guy is staying in there.

Developed by CookieDev and published by Ultimate Games S.A., Crime Simulator is set for a 2024/2025 release on PC. There’s also a console release also in the works. You can wishlist it here and download the Crime Simulator: Prologue demo right now.

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